So... I'm totally loving having a new car. I bought seat covers, floor mats, got the windows tinted. I've spent more on sprucing up the car than I have on food or anything else recently. The tinting is super dark and is supposed to keep out 50% of the UV rays, compared than the average 20-30%.
I was very sad yesterday when it rained, because that means my car isn't clean anymore. :( So... I'll be heading to the car wash very soon. :) So obsessed. But hey, its my first car purchase on my own. I've got to take care of it!!
Healthwise I'm getting better each day, but I still have days where I have major set backs and severe pain. I can't wait til I'm past all of this, hopefully it won't be for too much longer.
T-19 days til my birthday...
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
A Memorial Day to Remember
I spent today, not in the American traditional sense of Memorial Day of reflecting on the military and those who have served and who have fallen to allow me to live in a nation with the freedoms that I do. And don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for the life that I do have.
I just didn't spend today with much thought on that at all. I woke up late relaxed (not unusual for a holiday). Ended up going over to my friends' house for a bbq (myself and another couple were the ones who showed up). I have known the hosting couple (Jacob and Samantha) for something like 10 or so years now but until 2 weeks ago I hadn't seen them in about 5 years. This has happened to me a lot lately running into and reconnecting with people years after I last saw them. Was a great night, we all had lots to share about "coincidences" (not so coincidental). It was a great time of fellowship, great food and conversation. (And now I have like 10 new movies to add to my Netflix list, ha)
Just again and again I'm reminded of where I've been. Who I've been. Who I want to be who I don't want to be again.
Another excerpt from the book I'm reading "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shawn Claiborne...
"I've met a lot of Christians who say, "If people knew about all of my struggles and weaknesses, they would never want to be a Christian." I think just the opposite is true. If people really knew what idiots we are, in all our brokeness and vulnerability, they would know that they can give this thing a shot too. Christianity is for sick people. Rich Mullins used to say, "Whenever people say, 'Christians are hypocrites,' I say, 'Duh, we are hypocrites, weaklings in need of God and each other.'" We know that we cannot do life alone, and the good news is that we don't have to. We are created for community."
The sermon Sunday hit on being too Christian for the pagans and too pagan for the Christians... again... another place where balance is key. I get it God... you want me to keep searching for balance.
After reading and cleaning part of my room (or the sty known as my room) I found what I was looking for so that gave me the justification to take a break and do something other distraction.
Shawn sent me the chords for my new theme song, so I pulled out my guitar and played it over and over. It has been at least 6 months since I played my guitar, needless to say my fingers are sore. I sorta have the song down now, but then I just felt it in my heart to sing and keep praising God. I haven't had that urge come from my heart in a long time. I played the songs that I could from memory, singing them at the top of my lungs. I'm glad my place is well insulated so that my neighbors didn't suffer from my out of tune guitar (the battery in my tuner is dead and I'm fresh out of 9 volt batteries) and off key singing. But it didn't matter I sang anyway and had an awesome time just me and Jesus. (well, the puppies were here too, but they just kept chewin' away at their bones and left me be.)
So... that's a praise, I feel like I had a breakthrough with my heart and being able to worship God.
I just didn't spend today with much thought on that at all. I woke up late relaxed (not unusual for a holiday). Ended up going over to my friends' house for a bbq (myself and another couple were the ones who showed up). I have known the hosting couple (Jacob and Samantha) for something like 10 or so years now but until 2 weeks ago I hadn't seen them in about 5 years. This has happened to me a lot lately running into and reconnecting with people years after I last saw them. Was a great night, we all had lots to share about "coincidences" (not so coincidental). It was a great time of fellowship, great food and conversation. (And now I have like 10 new movies to add to my Netflix list, ha)
Just again and again I'm reminded of where I've been. Who I've been. Who I want to be who I don't want to be again.
Another excerpt from the book I'm reading "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shawn Claiborne...
"I've met a lot of Christians who say, "If people knew about all of my struggles and weaknesses, they would never want to be a Christian." I think just the opposite is true. If people really knew what idiots we are, in all our brokeness and vulnerability, they would know that they can give this thing a shot too. Christianity is for sick people. Rich Mullins used to say, "Whenever people say, 'Christians are hypocrites,' I say, 'Duh, we are hypocrites, weaklings in need of God and each other.'" We know that we cannot do life alone, and the good news is that we don't have to. We are created for community."
The sermon Sunday hit on being too Christian for the pagans and too pagan for the Christians... again... another place where balance is key. I get it God... you want me to keep searching for balance.
After reading and cleaning part of my room (or the sty known as my room) I found what I was looking for so that gave me the justification to take a break and do something other distraction.
Shawn sent me the chords for my new theme song, so I pulled out my guitar and played it over and over. It has been at least 6 months since I played my guitar, needless to say my fingers are sore. I sorta have the song down now, but then I just felt it in my heart to sing and keep praising God. I haven't had that urge come from my heart in a long time. I played the songs that I could from memory, singing them at the top of my lungs. I'm glad my place is well insulated so that my neighbors didn't suffer from my out of tune guitar (the battery in my tuner is dead and I'm fresh out of 9 volt batteries) and off key singing. But it didn't matter I sang anyway and had an awesome time just me and Jesus. (well, the puppies were here too, but they just kept chewin' away at their bones and left me be.)
So... that's a praise, I feel like I had a breakthrough with my heart and being able to worship God.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Lyrics that Spoke to Me
RUSH OF FOOLS UNDO LYRICS
I've been here before, now here I am again
Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in
To label me a prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be
Chorus
Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You’re the only one who can undo
What I've become
I focused on the score, but I could never win
Trying to ignore, a life of hiding my sin
To label me a hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be
Chorus
Make every step lead me back to
The sovereign way that You
The line that stands out to me the most is... "You're the only one who can do What I've become"
No matter what preparations I do, or things I give up, or checklists of requirements I set for myself to be worthy to be a part of community again, its not me. Christ is the only one who can undo what I became/changed to in the last year. It seems so simple really, I keep hearing the message... You don't have to do anything to be worthy to come back, just come back, be here, you have a clean slate. It makes so much sense, but then I let that voice creep back into my head. "you have to earn it... you have to prove that you're worthy to be involved, you have to earn trust again, not only your own, but others".
So I guess my prayer tonight would be, that I could truly drop this burden that I feel I need to "earn" my way back, and just come back, as I am... And see where that takes me.
I've been here before, now here I am again
Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in
To label me a prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be
Chorus
Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You’re the only one who can undo
What I've become
I focused on the score, but I could never win
Trying to ignore, a life of hiding my sin
To label me a hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be
Chorus
Make every step lead me back to
The sovereign way that You
The line that stands out to me the most is... "You're the only one who can do What I've become"
No matter what preparations I do, or things I give up, or checklists of requirements I set for myself to be worthy to be a part of community again, its not me. Christ is the only one who can undo what I became/changed to in the last year. It seems so simple really, I keep hearing the message... You don't have to do anything to be worthy to come back, just come back, be here, you have a clean slate. It makes so much sense, but then I let that voice creep back into my head. "you have to earn it... you have to prove that you're worthy to be involved, you have to earn trust again, not only your own, but others".
So I guess my prayer tonight would be, that I could truly drop this burden that I feel I need to "earn" my way back, and just come back, as I am... And see where that takes me.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
How do I use my gifts?
"One of the best things communities like ours do is carve out a space for people to discern and redefine their vocations. Vocation comes from the same root as voice, denoting the hearing of a divine call."
"Beyond knowing that God has a purpose for our lives, most of us (especially non-Catholics) spend little energy seeking our vocation, especially in light of how the needs and sufferings of our neighbors might inform how we use our gifts for divine purposes. There are plenty of people who are miserable in their jobs, for they have not listened to God's call."
"...many Christians who are not fulfilled in their spiritual lives because they have no sense of their gifts or purpose, and they just run to the mission field to save souls rather than transform lives and communities using their gifts and those of the people they live among. Both lead to emptiness and burnout."
These three excerpts all come from pg 138 of Shane Claiborne's book "The Irresistable Revolution - Living as an ordinary radical"
These paragraphs stood out to me today, because it's where I feel I am at. I switched away from being an accountant to being a massage therapist, because that is where God was leading me. That I am sure of. Now the balance of those two professions is the question. And how do I use my gifts and how are my gifts interwoven with my vocations? I know the gift of discernment is tied to what makes me gifted as a therapist.
I know I am creating more questions than answers. And I know there is not going to be a simple answer, and its going to take time. But I took almost a year off, turned myself off from questioning, asking, seeking. Question is, now what?
"Beyond knowing that God has a purpose for our lives, most of us (especially non-Catholics) spend little energy seeking our vocation, especially in light of how the needs and sufferings of our neighbors might inform how we use our gifts for divine purposes. There are plenty of people who are miserable in their jobs, for they have not listened to God's call."
"...many Christians who are not fulfilled in their spiritual lives because they have no sense of their gifts or purpose, and they just run to the mission field to save souls rather than transform lives and communities using their gifts and those of the people they live among. Both lead to emptiness and burnout."
These three excerpts all come from pg 138 of Shane Claiborne's book "The Irresistable Revolution - Living as an ordinary radical"
These paragraphs stood out to me today, because it's where I feel I am at. I switched away from being an accountant to being a massage therapist, because that is where God was leading me. That I am sure of. Now the balance of those two professions is the question. And how do I use my gifts and how are my gifts interwoven with my vocations? I know the gift of discernment is tied to what makes me gifted as a therapist.
I know I am creating more questions than answers. And I know there is not going to be a simple answer, and its going to take time. But I took almost a year off, turned myself off from questioning, asking, seeking. Question is, now what?
Woke Up Late
I woke up this morning around 8 am and was like yea, I'm gonna make it to church on time, so ... I'll just read for a little bit then get up and get ready. next thing I know.... its 10:45 (church starts at 10:00, I'll catch it on the podcast but still bummed I didn't go.)
I'm searching for my place in the community God has placed me in. I know I need balance, I need a place to minister (possibly the Beginnings Youth), but also a place to be fed/nurtured in a smaller group (Women's ministry?)
I'm searching for my place in the community God has placed me in. I know I need balance, I need a place to minister (possibly the Beginnings Youth), but also a place to be fed/nurtured in a smaller group (Women's ministry?)
Can I Catch A Break Please???
So, get up late this morning, go step into the bathroom as part of my usual routine. About slip and break my neck. The floor is wet. Ah crap... This has happened before where the upstairs shower has leaked and poured water all over. And again this is the case. I check the usual suspects. The air vent edges are clean and dry... hmm, not from there. There are also 2 light fixtures, a "heated light" which has water dripping from it, and the other is a globe that is 1/4-1/2 full of water. (Keep in mind I'm standing in the bathroom barefoot having just touched an electrical outlet connected to BOTH of these lights full of water)
Mind you, I spent close to $1200 to have this bathroom remodeled a few years ago (new tile, framing (from termite damage) the works. And at this point I just have to sit and wait. Luckily I have a second shower that I can use in the mean time. But still, it just downright sucks.
So, we'll see how this turns out. Its going to be a battle of trying to prove who's unit is leaking the water into mine as we have several shared walls, and then the question is, does the leaky pipe fall under the HOA's responsibility to fix or the homeowner. Lots of questions not a lot of answers. Previously when the upstairs flooded my neighbors handed me a check to fix it, I have a feeling this time may not be as easy, but we shall see.
This means I need to clean the rest of my room so I can even show the master bathroom to anyone coming to inspect the place. And if you know my house... everything is relatively clean EXCEPT my room. I have 2 file cabinets both practically empty and piles everywhere else.
I guess I know how I'll be spending my Sunday afternoon, crank up some Skillet, Evanescence, and some other pump up music and set to work on my room.
Mind you, I spent close to $1200 to have this bathroom remodeled a few years ago (new tile, framing (from termite damage) the works. And at this point I just have to sit and wait. Luckily I have a second shower that I can use in the mean time. But still, it just downright sucks.
So, we'll see how this turns out. Its going to be a battle of trying to prove who's unit is leaking the water into mine as we have several shared walls, and then the question is, does the leaky pipe fall under the HOA's responsibility to fix or the homeowner. Lots of questions not a lot of answers. Previously when the upstairs flooded my neighbors handed me a check to fix it, I have a feeling this time may not be as easy, but we shall see.
This means I need to clean the rest of my room so I can even show the master bathroom to anyone coming to inspect the place. And if you know my house... everything is relatively clean EXCEPT my room. I have 2 file cabinets both practically empty and piles everywhere else.
I guess I know how I'll be spending my Sunday afternoon, crank up some Skillet, Evanescence, and some other pump up music and set to work on my room.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Mom's Visit
So... went to my regular doctor yesterday. He basically apologized for his colleagues not believing what I was telling them about the overdosing of solumedrol and he would let the others know that he symptoms I was having were real and not anxiety related.
So, I have to take a step down dose over the next week of meds that I hate. I'm not allowed to go to work again until Wednesday. I hope that my work will be understanding and I won't get into to much trouble. I stopped by Friday to deliver the note from my doc saying that I was under his care and that I wasn't allowed to return to work until Wednesday.
My mom has been here since yesterday helping me to get things cleaned up, trying to figure out what I can do on my own to help out and to figure out what to do financially since in essense I have missed a week of one of my jobs, and will have missed 2 weeks of my other job. Pocket book saying ouch right now. On a good note though, I would normally have had a mortgage payment due on the 1st of May, but since I refinanced mid-April my next payment isn't due until June 1st. So, while finances are TIGHT they could have been a lot worse.
I honestly believe all of this is happening because I have been taking steps back towards God, back towards believing and doing his work. How often does one get a ticket, water heater blows and end up in the hospital all within 72 hrs of each other???? Maybe I'm being a little radical, but co-incidences don't go like this...
More to come... please keep praying for me if you're reading this... I still have a long way to go when it comes to meds, and coming down off of them...
So, I have to take a step down dose over the next week of meds that I hate. I'm not allowed to go to work again until Wednesday. I hope that my work will be understanding and I won't get into to much trouble. I stopped by Friday to deliver the note from my doc saying that I was under his care and that I wasn't allowed to return to work until Wednesday.
My mom has been here since yesterday helping me to get things cleaned up, trying to figure out what I can do on my own to help out and to figure out what to do financially since in essense I have missed a week of one of my jobs, and will have missed 2 weeks of my other job. Pocket book saying ouch right now. On a good note though, I would normally have had a mortgage payment due on the 1st of May, but since I refinanced mid-April my next payment isn't due until June 1st. So, while finances are TIGHT they could have been a lot worse.
I honestly believe all of this is happening because I have been taking steps back towards God, back towards believing and doing his work. How often does one get a ticket, water heater blows and end up in the hospital all within 72 hrs of each other???? Maybe I'm being a little radical, but co-incidences don't go like this...
More to come... please keep praying for me if you're reading this... I still have a long way to go when it comes to meds, and coming down off of them...
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