So... I've spent the last 3 days in the hospital and I am super worn out.
I really appreciate everyone who expressed an interest in how I was doing and how many people came to visit me yesterday.
I really have no answers yet, which is quite scary. But at least I know my heart is fine. At least according the the regular doctors, ask the holistic doctor you might get a totally different answer.
I had to have a cardiac test today, which I think was one of the scariest things I have ever had to deal with. Basically they put a chemical in you that makes all of the veins in your heart dilate and your body responds to it as if you have just run a billion miles on the treadmill. You get flushed, head pounds, chest gets tight and in my case my throat tried to swell shut. To try to help add muscle mass to eat up the nuclear drugs they put in my system, the doctor took my legs and made me pump them in and out, which when you're nauseated, not such a good thing, but it did help a little. And that feeling of the chest pain, and the throat swelling shut is what sent me to the hospital in the first place. So at least twice since Sunday I thought I was going to die. These reactions caused me to panic and cry pretty much uncontrollably, even after they gave me salumedrol (sp?) to open my throat again and while I was waiting for the next part of my exam. And I kept crying and the nurses kept telling me the worst was over. But not really , the mental part still haunts me, even now when I try to talk about it. I get freaked.
I know where I'm headed when I die, but that still doesn't make the process any easier to deal with, whether its now or 20 years from now. So... I'll probably be working on processing that fear for awhile to come now.
I just want to know why all of this happened, rather than a bunch of "non-answers". Those are really getting old.
1 comment:
It's good for me to see you sharing all of this stuff. I have been praying for you and hoping you were getting better. I do think you are right about your analysis fo what you are going through. Satan wants you to quit but God is calling you to come with Him. I hope you can rely on Jesus in you to bring you back.I also think that gettin involved in a ministry that is active...kids or Habitat something, anything... is better than what you've been doing. I don't want you to think I am preaching to ya. I just had those things to say about your situation. I do hope you continue to feel better.
Lynn
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